so I just bought a whole bunch of the royal diaries online for cheap because I wanted to relive my childhood and OMFG I NEVER READ ABOUT KRISTINA THE GIRL KING OF SWEDEN
Like lemme tell you about KRISTINA ok
like so she was born and everybody thought she was a dude because she had a ton of caul and sticky shit covering her crotch (everybody was super cissexist back then) and her dad was at first like oh damn not a son but then he was literally like FUCK IT SHE’S MY PRINCE STILL YEAH FUTURE KING, BITCHES, SUCK IN COUNCILORS
and like he died unfortunately and her mom was like super unstable and also really hated Sweden and stuff but Kristina was like “alright whatever I’m going to be king fuck needing anything from that woman who keeps correcting me and shit and who keeps shitting on my country buh bye”
and then she was all like “alright let’s get educated” and beasted everybody at like Latin and German and French and sharpshooting and riding and fencing and just being like “fuck these clothes I’m gonna be me I don’t wanna get married”
and eventually the councilors who were her regents were like “Kristina you are so smart like before you actually come of age we want you to rule”
and Kristina was like “ehhhhhhh no thanks, bro”
and then when she FINALLY did rule she was like “ehhhhh no thanks” to the whole marriage thing like everybody wanted her to marry her cousin Karl and she was like “fuck that I do what I want” and then four years later she literally was like “being a king is just not what I wanted to do really, I’m gonna abdicate to be a cross dressing feminist and chill with my buddy Descartes that sounds like a plan” and then went on her merry way to be like this awesome sharpshooting cross dressing rider intellectual who apparently is now on Swedish money and like all the historians are all like “well she didn’t really do anything tho!” and I’m just like “not do anything she literally was like fuck being king I’m going to be a cross dressing feminist instead”
AND THEN I WENT OVER TO WIKIPEDIA LIKE HOW THE FUCK IS THIS ALL REAL AND YES IT WAS ALL REAL AND GUESS WHAT SHE HAS AN AUTOBIOGRAPHY AND GUESS WHAT
Christina revealed in her autobiography that she felt, “an insurmountable distaste for marriage” and “an insurmountable distaste for all the things that females talked about and did”. ”
ALSO PS I KNOW THIS IS A BOOK FOR GIRLS AGED 9 TO 12 BUT I WAS READING IT LIKE ‘OMFG HER AND EBBA ARE TOTES LESBIANS LOOK AT THEM GO AND GUESS WHAT HISTORIANS AGREE WITH ME:
Her closest female friend and noted passion of her youth was Ebba Sparre, whom she called “Belle”. Most of her spare time was spent with la belle comtesse, and Christina often called attention to her beauty. She introduced Sparre to the English ambassador Whitelocke as her “bed-fellow”, assuring him that Sparre’s intellect was as striking as her body. Despite their relationship, Christina hosted Ebba’s wedding to Jakob Kasimir De la Gardie in 1653; the marriage lasted only five years; Ebba visited her husband in Elsinore when he was shot and killed, and their three children all died young. When Christina left Sweden she continued to write passionate letters to Sparre, in which she told her that she would always love her. Christina, though, used the same emotional style when writing to men and women she had never met (those whose writings she admired) and there is conjecture as to the context of her letters to Sparre.
also EVEN IF KRISTINA CONVERTED TO CATHOLICISM CHECK OUT THIS GEM:
Christina stated that Monte Cavallo might rather be named Monte degli Asini (“Donkey mountain”), as she had never met a pope with common sense during her 30 years in Rome.
AND APPARENTLY SHE HAD THIS SUPER PLATONIC BUT ROMANTIC RELATIONSHIP WITH THIS DUDE AND THEY WERE GOING TO VISIT THIS CARDINAL BUT HE WASN’T THERE AND SHE GOT BORED SO SHE DECIDED TO SHOOT SOME CANNONS INSTEAD HILARIOUS
ALSO SHE WAS SUPER FRIENDLY WITH HER JEWISH BANKER AND EVEN ENTERTAINED HIS FAMILY IN HER HOME WHILE THE REST OF EUROPE WAS LIKE “FUCK THE JEWS” SO THAT’S REALLY COOL
AND WHEN SHE WAS LIKE “HRM, I THINK I WANT TO PLAY WITH GENDER SOME MORE” SHE WAS LIKE “OH HEY, LET ME WEAR CLOTHES WITH NECKLINES SUPER LOW FOR THIS SEXY CARDINAL I LIKE” TO THE POINT WHERE THE POPE (and let’s be honest here popes were not of the highest celibacy back in the day) WAS LIKE “OH HOLD ON THERE”
also oh hey look at her description of gender and sexuality:
Christina’s gender ambiguity did not end with her style of dress. Some historians assert she maintained both heterosexual and homosexual relationships during the course of her life or was asexual depending on which source is consulted. According to Veronica Buckley, Christina was a “dabbler” who was, "…painted a lesbian, a prostitute, ahermaphrodite, and an atheist” by her contemporaries, though "in that tumultuous age, it is hard to determine which was the most damning label." Christina declared at the end of her life she was, "neither Male nor Hermaphrodite, as some People in the World have pass’d me for". Regardless of labels, it seems clear Christina did at least challenge traditional ideas of gender and sexuality.
also I don’t know why this is considered Aspergers honestly but apparently historians now think she had Aspergers “as she had very little comprehension for the need of most social norms and little desire to act, dress, or do other social norms, preferring to wearing, acting, and doing only that which she deemed logically practical” which doesn’t necessarily say “aspergers” to me like honestly she was raised by ppl who were like “be a man” so you know what, she said “fuck gender roles.” I mean is it just because she’s a woman because that description pretty much describes every European king ever like Henry VIII literally was like “let’s create a new religion” just to get his freak on but nobody’s like “he must have had aspergers, he disregarded social norms and didn’t understand them and thought them pointless.”
BUT HONESTLY ALL HAIL KING KRISTINA like honestly if there’s ever a movie why don’t we just call it “The Girl Who Politely Refused to Be King” like how awesome FUCK