Vaingloriously Not in the Same Vein

So once upon a time me and my college bestie were roommates together and we were part of this rather large group of queer people that was all friends and met weekly for the Lambda Alliance meetings and one night in like the Spring it was raining super hard and all of us decided to go out dancing in the deluge that is south eastern virginia thunderstorms and then somehow we ended up playing truth or dare in utterly soaked clothes and our underwear and there was a boy who had pink hair who was rather attractive like everybody agreed even tho I was like “alright, sort of meh, but no probs” and like he was the most attractive person there to me because I just knew everybody too well and like he ended up sleeping in our dorm room and in my bed since I didn’t have to get up and long story short I ended up sort of falling into a hookup situation because I was horny or whatever and he was clearly into but I was just like not and afterwards he was awkwardly like “So what is this” and I was like literally “SO WHAT IS WHAT” because I just did not understand his assumption that I would want more and after reassuring him that I had absolutely no romantic feelings for him, two hours later, I turned to my bestie and was like “wow that boy was overrated” and she was like “yeah but I like him, like I’m into him” and I was like “OH MY SHIT OH MY SHIT REALLY I AM SO SO SO SORRY” and like moral of the story it could have been a real friendship-breaking gossip girl meets the L-word moment but it actually wasn’t because we both acknowledged the need to communicate, then partied it up afterwards, and the pink haired boy ended up dating my gay manfriend bestie and now we look back upon those days and laugh our asses off because wow pink haired boy’s dick really wasn’t that great, it was just that he was a new person into the queer crowd and basically I am still besties with the roomie because true friendship means you don’t like pink-haired queer boys get in the way of honesty and and caring for each other. 


The first time 
I actually believed I was beautiful
Was when,
at age 20

A trans friend of mine 
Surveyed my Asian eyes 
Looking accusatorially at my reflection
Staring at my protruding tummy
Stretching and poking at my skin
As I wondered out loud whether
I could wear a midriff baring top
Because I didn’t have “that typical skinny Asian schoolgirl figure”

And she whispered to me
Her eyes meeting mine in the mirror
"I would kill to have a body like yours.”

And I looked up at her tall, strong body
And her lovely, wispy ginger curls 
And with a Jolt of electric epiphany
I realized that 
Society had told her 
(The exact opposite of me)
What Society had told me 
(The exact opposite of her)

That we were both
The very definition of 

But maybe 
Could it be?
We actually had the power
To define ourselves 
…as beautiful 

And my heart broke
For the both of us
Bleeding invisibly under our skins 
Living our whole lives 
Being told to ignore
The glorious pleasure of
Our own beauties 

Stop making young queer people agonize by asking them the question “ARE YOU SURE IT’S NOT JUST A PHASE?”

Because here’s the thing.


Labels like “lesbian” or “queer” or “gay” or “bisexual” etc. are there to help identify a person’s desires and needs as they wish to express them to OTHER PEOPLE AT ANY GIVEN POINT IN TIME.

In fact, there are many people who assumed that they were heterosexual, but later in life, found love with same sex partners. But of course, nobody says THEIR STRAIGHTNESS was “just a phase.”

"Just a phase" implies that sexual orientation is cut and dried, always and forever, a label you have to stick by and always identify with, or else. Which is just silly. Sexual orientation is a label. An identifier. Sexuality can change, and often times it does.  "Just a phase" also implies that queerness is generally temporary, especially when followed by "what if you want children?" (a question that is also very silly, especially in this modern medical era!)

So really, it doesn’t matter if maybe right now a person identifies as “bisexual” or as “homosexual” or “gay” or “lesbian,” but might feel differently later.  These are terms that are perfectly valid when applied to simply one’s present orientation, and whether or not these labels might change in the future is a moot point. Predicting the future is generally really hard. If a young person is coming out and coming to terms with queerness and their own complicated feelings re: sexuality, the least you could do is react in a way that doesn’t imply that sexuality is something that needs to be proven with age, time, and maturity.  

We inundate our children with tales of heterosexual romance, images and stories featuring charming princess and princesses, barbie and ken, and “that just means he/she likes you.”If a young child’s affections for another (different gender) child are considered “cute,” “romantic,” and “valid,” a young person’s take on their own sexuality, queer or otherwise, is equally valid. 

Sexuality, like many other personal identifiers, is something that can only be quantified by the person who is choosing to be labeled and identified as such.*  


*This post, of course, discounts people who co-opt terms like “queer” and “lesbian” in a disrespectful way to mean something or apply to something it shouldn’t. Ex: straight, cis men who say that they are “really lesbians” in order to get in queer women’s pants 

Revelations (Still Catholic, but the non-Apocalyptic Kind) (But also very Queer)

So as I’ve mentioned before, one of the cool things about living in Baltimore is having Catholic Churches that are super understanding about LGBT issues. 

Below the cut, I swear to god I’m not making this up, you will read about how a Catholic Deacon basically told me that my philosophy should be “I’m here, I’m queer, get over it.” 

And also “make love not war.” 

Read More

…Jsut discovered this on Netflix instant and oh my god this is the movie my night needed. 

…Jsut discovered this on Netflix instant and oh my god this is the movie my night needed. 

Dear White Queer People:

If you see a post about racism

and your immediate response is


You are actually basically actively perpetuating imperialistic ideologies.

Essentially, you are telling a person of color that THEIR EXPERIENCES ARE YOURS.

Here’s the deal:

All Oppression is Not Equivalent. 

Literally these are different reasons for being treated like shit and thus the treatment and experiences varies.

Let me give you a little mind blowing thought:



And I can tell you this:

The racist bullshit I deal with every day

Is not the same

As the heterosexist homophobic shit I deal with every day.

So do not come up to me and say





And while we’re at it, no, you don’t get to say the n-word, or “chink,” or any other racial slur just because you’re gay. 


A queer as fuck Chinese woman who is sick and tired of this bullshit

Reasons I love living in Baltimore #834938

…It’s entirely possible to go to a Catholic mass and not want to scream in frustration at the politics.

I’m a hardcore social justice radical feminist queer woman of color and I generally hate going to church where my parents live in Southern VA because the prayers for petition are basically like “let us protect the sanctity of marriage and also make sure Obama doesn’t get our money LORD HEAR OUR PRAYER.” 

But in Baltimore my facebook ads are for “Catholics for Choice” and this is part of the weekly church “ezine”:


…thank fucking god at least some of us are sane. 

(edit: I have just blurred out some of the ID information because I realized that Baltimore is a small community and I’d rather not have people figuring out where my family and I go to church)

it actually really annoys me when ppl are like “omfg stop saying x character is gay they aren’t gay it’s not written in the canon, stop projecting omfg just stop stop stop”

because like where the fuck does it say that Remus and Sirius are explicitly straight like Remus married a person who could LITERALLY CHANGE BODY SHAPES AT WILL  and Sirius shape shifts into an UN-NEUTERED DOG AND THUS PROBABLY HUMPS EVERYTHING IN SIGHT don’t fucking tell me that the words “remus lupin and sirius black were both 1s on the Kinsey scale” appear in anything JKR wrote. 

You know your family has accepted your queer ness when your sister gives you both a “I ❤️pro choice boys” and an “i❤️ pro choice girls ” pins for Christmas and your parents just nod sagely when you say you’re gonna put both on your messenger bag

Pretty sure I murmured “sex is feminism distilled” while making out with a black lesbian on stage at a gay club and grinding like a stripper….