Vaingloriously Not in the Same Vein


What the fuck? I don’t want to live on this planet anymore.

….Let’s dissect this shall we?

1. Right to incarcerate opposite sex by simple accusation:  Um, no, actually. In order to proceed to court (and thus incarceration by sentencing/conviction), you have to first submit a plea that has to be deemed meritable on the facts AS WELL AS the law, same as any other case. THEN, after the defendant’s party answers, you go through discovery, so you have to dig up EVEN MORE FACTS. And then you have to prove your case in trial. To a jury of your peers, which is a group of people about whom BOTH PARTIES have say. If this shit were true, then everyone would have a right to incarcerate anyone just by saying “ZE DID THIS TO ME OMG.” gahhh.

2. Right to lower criminal sentencing in courts of law: No. This is bullshit. See above post. Also, maybe historically, because women were not seen as “capable” of violent crimes, but that is obviously not true right now. And also, the whole “heat of passion” defense? Inherently sexist. Look it up. 

3. Right to female-specific government aide and services: WELL…yes. Why do you think we need them in the first place, huh? Because men get MORE MONEY than women. And also, women are generally deemed the caretakers of children. And also, women get pregnant. Talk to me when men need abortions, ok? 

4. Right to get emotional and receive sympathy upon hearing: Bullshit. Remember the 2008 presidential nomination race between Hillary and Obama? Remember how Hillary Clinton cried and everyone was like “OH YOU ARE SUCH A WOMAN AND THUS NOT READY FOR OFFICE”? How is that sympathy?!

5. Right to publicly belittle the opposite sex and be celebrated: “Belittle” means to make someone/something out to be less than what it is. Women who criticize men/men’s actions rarely do this in a way that is like “ALL MEN ARE EVIL” any more than men do.  And actually, the ones who say “ALL MEN ARE EVIL” are rarely left alone…by groups like you. Also, it’s a true fact that more women are the victim of domestic abuse, violence, sexual harassment/rape crimes DONE BY MEN than men are by women. So yes, that’s why it gets more attention. Very sad about how the media works, but true.

6.  Right to reproduction/right to parenting/right to shelter from domestic abuse partners: If you had to carry the baby too, it would be your call. But you can’t force another person into doing something they don’t want to do. Otherwise, A WOMAN could be all like “Cut off your penis. It’s my body, too. And I don’t like it.” Also, right to parenting? Yes, the woman automatically is granted child custody in some states. But think about it: how many paternity law suits are there? Compared the the amount of men who say “I would like to do more than send an alimony check every month. I want the children all the time always.” It’s a messy thing. And also, you can be a dad too. isn’t that a weird thing to say, that just because you are male, you aren’t allowed to be a dad? Isn’t that the whole argument behind your necessity, as a male role model? 

ALSO: domestic abuse shelters are NOT exclusive. And also, there are homosexual-friendly ones too.

Right to be paid for on a date:  I fail to see how this is a right. Because I also pay for my boyfriend at times. And he pays for me. If you’re going to say “I HAVE TO PAY FOR THIS WOMAN” you are being ridiculous. And…well, a pussy. Just fucking talk about it if it matters to you this much. Kindly ask her to SPLIT THE CHECK. or pay for you. Either one.

Right to expect to be protected by the opposite sex: UM, NO. Actually, most women feel the need to protect THEMSELVES FROM the opposite sex. Why? Because we have a rape-apologist society that tells women to “prevent rape” and “make sure that they weren’t looking like they wanted it.”

Right to exemption from selective service; OK, fine. Women should be drafted. We want that too, actually, because that would be equal rights. But, no go. It’s apparently our gender role to stay home with the kids. Keep us in our place. OH WAIT. THAT IS YOUR ARGUMENT.

Right to receive office or position without stringent requirements: If this were true, how come the vast majority of CEOs are male? And why hasn’t there been a woman president?

Right to be seen as progressive and empowered just for being female: …Have you heard of Anne Coulter and Michelle Bachmann?

Right to hold men in contempt for imagined past crimes or debts: Pretty sure no one is allowed to do this. “Imagined” here implies that women just make shit up and see shit that isn’t there. Bullshit. Men do this all the time. “SHE DIDN’T BANG ME COS SHE’S FRIGID.” Imagined past crime. Why? Because not having sex with you ISN’T A CRIME.

Right to undermine past institutions and traditions by fiat of sexism: Kinda like how you’re undermining the way selective service forgoes women, right? But besides that, ever think that past institutions are in the past because they sucked? Or did you forget about slavery and a women’s right to vote movement?

"right to loose their own sense of humor and make other people pay for it": I am confused by the spelling/grammar of the sentence and cannot make sense of it so I’m going to let this one go uncriticized.

Right to be held innocent while blaming the opposite sex for everything: Again, no. Due process. Trial. It’s in the Constitution. HAVE YOU READ THAT?!

Right to “ladies first” and chivalrous preference by society: OK, so women really like it when you treat them nicely, and society likes it too. What is wrong with that? Society also thinks that women should simultaneously be skinny, but have huge boobs. And also really sexy and pretty, but they aren’t allowed to express their sexuality in any way, otherwise they’re a “slut.” And they can’t approach men, because if they do, they’re also “slutty.” And they have to be innocent virgins, but also be really good in bed. How is that favoring women in ANY WAY?

Right to be brought up with the idea that women are superior: …because being constantly told that women are not good enough for professional sports, political office, math and science, or corporate positions and instead, should go for “only arts” degrees, baby-making, and being a good wife…well, that’s TOTALLY superior. 

"snips and snails and puppy dog tails.": If you’re going to get into children’s rhymes and fairy tales, let’s talk about the messages sent by Cinderella, Beauty and the Beast, and the Little Mermaid. About being rescued and depending on a man for happiness and taking domestic violence in stride. Hrm?