Vaingloriously Not in the Same Vein

So basically in constitutional criminal procedure II today we were learning about double jeopardy and drug distribution charges and apparently there was a case in fucking 1932 THAT BASICALLY TELLS YOU ALL YOU NEED TO KNOW ABOUT HOW TO AVOID BEING CHARGED WITH MULTIPLE COUNTS OF DRUG DISTRIBUTION. 

Here’s the thing:

apparently, there are things called continuous crimes. Continuous crimes are crimes that have a start, but not a definite stopping point. The prime example is something like cohabitation with multiple wives, where it’s like “OK, where does this end and the other begin.” So the thing is, you can’t actually be charged twice for the same crime. It’s double jeopardy (there are actually loads more rules but that’s not important to this explanation).

ANYWAYS.

This defendant was like “dude, I sold CONTINUOUSLY to the SAME CLIENTS over the course of two days. So it’s only one crime.”

And the Court was actually like “Well, no, because selling drugs isn’t continuous. There’s a definite start AND end, because once you get the money the deal is done.”

SO HERE’S THE INTERESTING THING. 

According to my professor (who is basically the queen bitch of public defenders—she represented the DC sniper) THE WAY YOU CALCULATE IS WHEN THE MONEY CHANGES HANDS.

THIS MEANS that if you are dealing, and you trust somebody, right? Like one of your regulars or whatever, and you agree to front them some of your product for say, like three days (as in, you give them some of your product three times, over the course of three days) and they finally give you the money on the last day, THAT ONLY COUNTS AS ONE COUNT OF DRUG DISTRIBUTION.

This means that the method of always demanding instant payment is actually a questionable legal decision. Sure, you get your cash for sure and it means more respect on the street, but it also means that you get charged with more and more counts of the same crime—which means harsher sentencing.

Moral of the story: a generous dealer serves less time

Things career counseling sessions never go over but would actually be hella useful:

  • What shades of lipstick and nail polish are considered professional, and what shades are considered “young” or “too casual”
  • How to avoid snagging a new pair of pantyhose
  • How to scope the office for your potential boss’s favorite sports teams, alma mater, and political views (so you don’t make any faux pas)
  • How to scrub your really embarrassing facebook past from undergrad 
  • Buttons not to press on linked in: a seminar on how easy it is to accidentally click “send invite to entire address book”

Things that career counseling seminars actually go over:

  • "So let’s talk about how to format your resumé" 

Law school prom: it’s at the national aquarium. Be jealous. Be very jealous.

That awkward moment when your law school textbook problem set made a really bad pun at the expense of big law firms (just say the name out loud)

That awkward moment when your law school textbook problem set made a really bad pun at the expense of big law firms (just say the name out loud)

I have been “about to start” this fucking memo for the past five hours.

*sits down to write a legal memo*

…30 minutes later, what progress have I achieved?

…I opened microsoft word. 

….Had class at 7:45 pm and forgot.

…just looked at the clock. it’s 7:47. 

Oh well…I guess I’m skipping. 

#3L year

showing my law clinic partner how to use dropbox was probably the worst decision for my procrastinating self I have ever made.

Now I can see when she’s working on our shit.

So now I feel guilty and am reminded that I am not working on our shit.

FUCK.

FUCK FUCK.

There should be more screenshots of Justice League on lawblr blogs.

If only for this stunning example of criminal defense lawyering, courtesy of the Flash.

Also hey look say what you will about the American Criminal Justice system but at least we still have non-dead lawyers.

(for my younger followers…phi beta kappa is not a legal term. Or even a latin term. It is, in fact, the greek letter name for the oldest academic honor society in the American university system…and clearly, the Flash was not a member)

"True Life: I never expected my Law Journal to Accept and Decide to Publish My Article that I wrote While I was Cranky and Drunk"

"True Life: I never expected my Law Journal to Accept and Decide to Publish My Article that I wrote While I was Cranky and Drunk"