Vaingloriously Not in the Same Vein

yo I know like ‘tis the season for all the “what about law school for me?” questions to start flowing in and shit because hey admissions letters are being mailed out right now

but for real all you ppl asking me about “what is law school really like” like I mean I hate to burst your bubbles and shit but it’s not grandiose at all.

like I know all us law students have a fucking superiority complex and shit but honestly like if you asked me to sum up what I’ve learned in two years of law school it’s this:

International Multi-BIllion Dollar law suits can depend on the really urgent question of “What is Chicken”
Always use the word “FUCK” if you’re protesting the draft because otherwise you’re being too literal and like those SCOTUS motherfuckers really love some figurative “many uses of the word “fuck’” protesting like I’m not even kidding it’s fucking case law
Don’t worry about getting sued if you were a dumbass and decided to bring some live fireworks on a train and the resulting explosion caused some big ass statue of scales to fall on some old lady who was walking by because like that shit is hilarious and everybody knows it’s not really your fault and you don’t have money anyways so whatever people don’t care about suing you
Scalia is a dick and nobody likes him and even Clarence Thomas probably hates him right now because EVERY SINGLE FUCKING TIME YOU GOTTA WRITE A LONG-ASS DISSENT, SCALIA, WTF.
Cardozo is to law school what Beyonce is to tumblr ok let’s just leave it at that
NOBODY ACTUALLY KNOWS WHAT THE LAW MEANS OR IS IT’S ALL UP TO INTERPRETATION AND LOOKING RIGHT SMART BUT FOR FUTURE REFERENCE JUST DO YOUR RESEARCH AND DON’T BE A DRUNK DICK TO THE JUDGE (start like 7 minutes in)

That awesome moment when your 70 year old contracts professor slips in an underhand commentary on racism:

 (on a class on waiver of insurance claims)
Professor: so, what did the insurance company have to prove about waiving the claim?
Student: Well, they had to show prejudice, that the lack of notification was prejudiced against the company.
Professor: Right, well, what does that mean? I mean, HOW do they show that? And what type of prejudice are we talking here? I mean it's not like this is Trayvon Martin or anything, right, where it would really be easy to show lack of notification was prejudice, but that's not what we're talking about here. We're talking about what the company suffered. So how do you prove prejudice?
Student: ummm.....

Sooooo….the case I have assigned for tomorrow involves a couple who got divorced on Valentine’s Day, 1979.

Ohhhhhhh Contracts.

Ohhhhhhh law school.

The Frigaliment Chicken Case: Hitler redub style

(if you are not in law school you will probably not get this)

OK, seriously, the 8 page contracts case I have to read literally starts out with the line “The issue is, what is chicken?”

I swear to god, this case is literally about two chicken companies quibbling over what constitutes a fucking chicken.

At this point, I’m pretty sure my contracts professor is just fucking with us.

Annnd my contracts notes are getting more and more incomprehensible

“Holding: rational interp. req. @ least prelim. consid. of all credible avid. offered to prove intent. of parties”

illegalities:

This was my Contracts Final.

Hey Law Students! Follow illegalities.tumblr.com!

Torts. All torts.

“This Final Sucks…Thank God It’s on a currrrve”

Done with tabbing, Motherfucker. Bring it on, Contracts FINAL. Bitch, I know all about how the Statute of Frauds is UCC 2-201 and Restatement §90 is Promissory Estoppel.

legal-savvy:

Carlill v. Carbolic Smoke Ball Co

Welcome to Contracts