Vaingloriously Not in the Same Vein
[TW: medical abuse]I was born with a Blue Spot. Here is the story of what it is, and how a white man stole it.

girljanitor:

The only time I ever met me father was an hour after I was born. He took one look at me and said, “this is my child.” When my mother and her family wondered how he was so certain, he showed them my Blue Spot. All of his family had been born with Blue Spots; some of my mother’s family knew of them because of Roma heritage, but I only child in at least a generation who’d been born with one.

Also, my Spot was permanent like my father’s. When I turned 12 and the Spot stayed, my mom told me the full story of my heritage and who my father had been, what he was like, and how they had met.

In my 20’s I went to a white dermatologist for an unrelated reason, and he completely flipped out over my Spot. He was utterly convinced it was some kind of skin cancer. I explained to him over and over what it was and why it was there; I’d seen a Chinese dermatologist in my childhood and an Indian dermatologist in my teens; none of them had even bothered to mention the spot other than to comment that it was there, and permanent (unlike some congenital Blue Spots that fade away with age.)

This white guy threatened and browbeat me until i finally agreed to let him biopsy it. I made him promise that he wouldn’t take it, I kept telling him that I liked my Spot, it was important to me. He really was saying to me that if I didn’t let him do this I would die. He promised that the biopsy would only take a tiny piece of skin, and it wouldn’t make any difference in its appearance.

When I got home and took the bandage off, I saw two stitches holding together the wound where my Blue Spot had been.

I cried and wouldn’t get out of bed for days.

As time passed, i noticed the skin around the scar was showing blue where the redness was fading. As more time passed, the blue color spread out more and now I have an irregular scar on my lower back that is surrounded by a blue color.

All I have of my father is one blurry photo and my scarred Blue Spot.

It is a reminder to me that white people will always try to steal my heritage and who I am.

It is a reminder that no matter how hard they try, they can never take it away from me.

All. The. Feels.

I have a blue spot, too. I’m Chinese. I love it. It’s just this little round oval, right above my right breast.

Here’s the thing, I really hate showing it sometimes because white people always make raunchy comments to me, because they assume any blue discoloration is a bruise.

When I was little, I had several concerned babysitters who would ask me how I bruised myself there, because it looks about the shape of a thumbprint. I think they thought my father was abusing me. They didn’t believe me when I said it was a birthmark, that it had always been there.

But probably the most offensive thing that ever happened to me with my blue spot was this one time where this white dude I met at a college football game overheard me and some of my sorority sisters talking about BDSM and queer sex (we were an awesome sorority. My boyfriend was also there). So this dude (I think he went to the law school?), who didn’t know me at all, starting talking to me in this very sexual way, like he was trying to flirt with me (despite my boyfriend being there. My boyfriend, by the way, is mostly Armenian and looks very Greek/Armenian). He started asking me about my queerness, and if I had a fetlife. I’m not into any hardcore BDSM; I certainly wouldn’t count myself as part of their community at all. But his eyes zeroed in on my Mongolian blue spot and he smirked at me. I looked at him, like “what the fuck? Why are you staring at my breasts?” and he said, “I see you two got a little kinky there.” He assumed that my boyfriend gave me a bruise, that my boyfriend and I had rough sex and that was what the mark was. Even worse, when I said, “No, it’s a birthmark, it’s called a Mongolian blue spot,” he reacted with, “yeah….suuuuuure.” I got very angry. I said, “No, seriously, it’s a birthmark. I was born with it.” He was like, “uh-huh.” He thought he was being hilarious. He was not. He was being ignorant and offensive (not because BDSM is bad—obviously it’s not—but because he was refusing to believe my word on my sexual behavior). 

And then when my group left the game early he literally placed his hands on my waist when we were walking down the bleacher seats and lifted me down. I didn’t ask for it. I wasn’t scared. I was simply being careful because I was wearing platform heels and didn’t want to slip. And then he didn’t even apologize to me. He apologized to my boyfriend saying, “hey man, didn’t want to get in your way or anything, sorry.” Afterwards, he told one of my friends (who went on a date with him, that ended up escalating into hardcore BDSM without any warning at all, by the way—no contract, nothing, he just heard she was into bondage and was a sub and tied her up without any precursor. In his car.) that he had been trying to “get with” both me and my boyfriend. Which is funny…because he never addressed me as a human being, other than someone he wanted to have sex with. He saved all actual apologies and civil conversation for my boyfriend.

So that’s how I feel about my blues spot. I love it. I think it makes me unique. I love its color. it’s such a delicate shade of blue, this translucent, soft, grey blue. But I hate that white people use it as a way to imply abuse and sexual objectivity. 

  1. lesshearts reblogged this from a-spoon-is-born and added:
    Though I am a white girl; I do not feel offended or anything. Your story nearly made me cry angry tears about how stupid...
  2. agirlspride reblogged this from a-spoon-is-born
  3. minsoap reblogged this from demetristefan
  4. demetristefan reblogged this from a-spoon-is-born
  5. theinfamousz reblogged this from a-spoon-is-born
  6. bear-white-tyrant reblogged this from a-spoon-is-born
  7. hcvox reblogged this from a-spoon-is-born
  8. 1fuckedupkid reblogged this from a-spoon-is-born
  9. prettyvisiters reblogged this from a-spoon-is-born
  10. arasellle reblogged this from a-spoon-is-born
  11. voguedissent reblogged this from intellectualhoodrat
  12. intellectualhoodrat reblogged this from a-spoon-is-born and added:
    this reminds me of the time i went into a prominent tattoo/ body piercing shop and asked the artist there about the...
  13. sjsci reblogged this from a-spoon-is-born
  14. revolution-valonia-mk-3 reblogged this from a-spoon-is-born and added:
    Screw the Racist White Medical & Scientific Institutions!
  15. fursasaida reblogged this from a-spoon-is-born
  16. lacyandspacey reblogged this from phiemerald
  17. phiemerald reblogged this from kissesandlaughsandrisks
  18. gul-e-shireen reblogged this from a-spoon-is-born
  19. chead reblogged this from a-spoon-is-born