1.  ”KONICHIWA!”/”wo ai ni! that means I love you in Chinese.”

…I would say something in “racist asshole” but I’m not nearly as fluent yet. By the way, how’s that horrible accent and mis-identifying racist passion going for you?

2.  ”I bet I can guess what type of asian you are!”

...What am I, some type of game show? WHO WANTS TO BE CULTURALLY INSENSITIVE? Congratulations. You’ve won. 

3.  ”Yeah, I’m really into anime…”

The mental image of you masturbating to the image of me in a school girl outfit, meshing with some tentacle hentai, is extremely disturbing. By the way, if you continue this thread of conversation and refer to me as “chibi” or “kawaii,” I reserve the white to freak you out by insinuating that I know kung fu. Fair is fair.

4.  I love Asian women! Your bodies are just so petite! 

Bitch, you won’t think my small titties are non-threatening when my arms are ripping your fucking head off.

5. Yeah, most asians look all the same to me, but you’re different! It’s awesome…

You do realize that you are essentially complimenting me for not looking like my racial identity, right? RIGHT?

6.  So, does this mean your family’s really really strict and you have to like…bow down to traditions and ancestors? And like, do what your future husband says, all the time?

No. It means I have a low tolerance for bullshit and yours is starting to stink to high heaven.  

7.  I bet you look awesome in a schoolgirl outfit. 

I bet your garage is filled with anime-style blowup dolls.  

8. Man, you’re just like this exotic lotus blossom!

Man, it’s like you tried to learn pick-up lines from the back of a chinese take-out menu!