At what point does it become racist or problematic to ask someone who is clearly of Asian decent where they're from? I mean, I know that the "where are you REALLY from?" question is bad. And usually if I ask someone where they're from and they say, "Detroit," I leave it at that. But I'm unsure of the line. Is it bad to ask, "where is your family from?" If someone tells me that they're from South Korea, is it bad for me to tell them that my friend is there teaching English right now? {ctd}
I mean, I wouldn’t ask about their family’s national origins unless they had an accent and I was curious about where it was from. And I don’t think I’d ask them/say anything to them that I wouldn’t say to a white person who had a accent that I couldn’t identify. But I realize that the rules are often different with PoC. And being around a lot of non-white people in social situations is kind of new for me.
(I’m sorry, I know you don’t speak for all PoC, and I’m not looking to put your stamp of approval on anything I say in the event that I still fuck up and offend someone. But as a PoC who blogs about race a lot, I thought you’d be a good person to ask about this since it affects you in a way it will never affect me.)
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OK, here’s the thing:
As an Asian person, I get asked “where are you from?” a lot, because I have an accent (American Southern) that throws people.
Now, if you’re asking “Oh, where in South Korea are you from because I have a friend teaching there,” that’s a valid conversation point. Because you’re working off of information that the POC has already volunteered. It’s not invasive racism if the information is freely given and if it has something to do with the conversation at hand.
The thing is, unless the information is volunteered, if you are white, you really can’t ever ask where an Asian person is from without seeming somewhat bigoted. You’re right; the rules are different for POC and white people. And, to be honest, I have white friends (or at least, European/Caucasian looking friends) who also have accents, who actually hate that question. Because it totally brings the whole idea of “other” to mind. Because there’s this idea that somehow your English WILL NEVER BE AS GOOD AS A “REAL” AMERICAN. A foreign accent is a real sore point for a lot of immigrants/POC. It’s just like when Black people get accused of “speaking white.” It’s the idea that as an “other,” your version of English is not as valid as someone else’s.
Additionally, it’s pretty damn condescending to say, “Your English is so good!” Quite frankly, my parents learned English in school (as a second, maybe third or fourth, language) and their grammar is flawless compared to many white people I know. Their spelling is flawless. Yes, they might have some sort of perceived “accent,” but what does that really mean? There IS NO REAL PURE ACCENT-LESS FORM OF ENGLISH. ANYWHERE you go, there’s going to be discrepancies in pronunciation. Seriously. I grew up in the South and I can assure you, my white friends have just as much trouble when they go up North as my immigrant friends.
As a white person, it’s very good that you understand that some shit is OK for POC to do, but not OK for white people to do. It’s not unfairness; it’s cultural context. For example, one of the big questions that Asian people ask each other is, in fact, “what type of asian are you?” (my favorite way to put it is “What flavor Asian are you?” Because food is such a huge determining factor in culture. And basically, there is huge differences in the type of Chinese/Filipino/Other Asian country subgroups, and one of the biggest distinctions is food preparation). But Asian people do this to get a sense of cultural belonging and familiarity. Like, growing up in an area where there weren’t a lot of Asians, it was a way to bond and converse and talk about issues. But when a White person (or non-Asian POC for that matter) asks me that, a lot of times it’s accompanied with these weird sub-texts and implications. There’s a lot of “I’m really good at guessing what type of Asian people are from their looks,” or “Are you sure? You look Korean. Your last name is Korean, isn’t it? You’re not Chinese. Not really.” Or, “how do I tell Asians apart by visual cues and you would totally know!”
Let me tell you a secret: You know how you can’t necessarily tell Europeans apart, based solely on their facial features? Same with Asians.
The whole “Asians, you all look alike!” deal is a huuuuge racial stereotype that’s embedded in white culture. It’s because it’s very hard for people to tell other people of other races apart, because we’re not used to the visual cues. I have Asian relatives who insist that all white people look the same.
So no, it’s not valid, and asking an Asian person where they are from is problematic and contributes to stereotypes and “other-ing.” Also, it implies that there’s this one easy answer. There’s not. You know how if you ask an American white person, “where are you from?” they reply with this whole, “Oh, well, my family immigrated from Germany in like 1920 but then I have Armenian blood from my mother’s side, who immigrated during the genocides and then I also have some French blood because my dad’s family went to Canada briefly in the 1960s and etc…”? Well, America isn’t the only place people immigrate to. There’s huge immigration between Asian countries.
For example, I’m ethnically Chinese. But my parents are two very different types of Chinese (two different dialects/cultures). However, both my parents were born in the Philippines, because their parents (my grandparents) immigrated there from China. Well, actually, both my grandmothers were ALSO born in the Philippines. However, none of my family (up until recently) were considered Filipino citizens, since they were not ethnically Filipino. Also, they speak different dialects (well, my mom speaks all of the above) of Chinese and Filipino. And there’s racial tension between my dad’s type of Chinese and my mother’s. So if you ask me, “where’s your family from?” I don’t know. I don’t know what to tell you, so I’m probably going to have to spend at least 10 minutes explaining the nuances of an Asian family (and also, PS, I have Jordanian, Irish, Filipino, Indonesian, and Hispanic relatives who live on practically every continent, so I don’t know how to explain THAT to you either). Whereas, you’re expecting some one-word answer, like “China” or “Japan.” That shit doesn’t fly. It’s inaccurate. And it’s working on a false premise.
But if they volunteer the information, you’re good to go. Because that means they’re willing to talk about it. So yeah. Wait for that.
